While watching this video, specifically the part where she gets the new dress
and has a flash back to her birth family environment, I wondered what will
trigger the sense of loss (of family and culture), fear, sadness, and anger in
our son once he is home with us in his forever family. I hope I can help him
develop a sense of security and help him feel comfortable to talk about what he
is feeling. The really hard part for me will be not knowing what his life was
like before joining our family or being able to completely understand how he
feels. I hope I will be able to respond to those situations with love,
understanding, and communication. I also hope I can guide him to understand
that God has wanted him to join our family and that all of the events in his
life and ours led him to join our family. I already love him so much and I
pray for him to be home with us soon.
This
video also compelled me to look back at the pages from our adoption class on
Grief and Loss in Adoption through our home study agency (CCAI). I believe that
class was the class that really altered my perception of what adoption means to
our son, our whole family, and the birth family.
Misconceptions
·
Love is enough, and all
a child needs is a caring family.
·
Anyone can be an
adoptive parent. No skills or learning are necessary.
·
Once adopted, a child’s
problems, old traumas or wounds, or adoption issues disappear quickly.
·
The adoptive family can
be all things to a child (history, culture, identity, etc.)
·
Adopted children are
more likely to be troubled than birth children.
Facts
·
Love is fundamental, but
only the beginning.
·
Some of the needs of
adopted children require special skills, tools, knowledge, and insight.
·
Adoption issues, in
various forms, arise at different times throughout life.
·
The birth family and a
child’s history will always be a part of a child’s identity, to some degree and
in some way.
·
Research shows that
adoptees are as well adjusted as their non-adopted peers. There is virtually no
difference in psychological functioning between the two.
Tools to Tackle Grief
·
Validation
·
Affirmation
·
Rituals
·
Routine
·
Measure Success/ Journaling
·
Drawing picture of how
they feel
·
Life books
·
Adoptive Family groups
·
Talking and Listening
·
Birth Mom Box
·
Create a place for
Special Memories
·
Role Play
·
Openness and
Understanding
·
Spoil your child with
affection, love and nurturing.
·
Making your child feel
safe and loved is #1 priority!
This all takes me back
to the video of the first few foster parents of the little girl. I wonder; Did they have the misconceptions that many
people have about adoption and being a foster parent? What will my perception
of adoption be like once I am an adoptive parent? I hope I am able to use
the tools to tackle grief and help my son live a long and happy life.
