As we start this journey into adoption to bring our son from the Democratic Republic of Congo I often find myself wondering what his life is like and praying that God will reach out and comfort him if he is alone. These verses give me peace in knowing that God loves him and has a plan for him to join our family.
For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 8:38-39 (NIV)
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord.
Jeremiah 29:11(NIV)
FAQ's:
Q: Why adoption? Why a son?
A: My whole life I have always wanted to be a mom. Before even having biological children I knew I would be open to adoption. Jason and I talked about adoption before getting married, but he was a little closed to the idea. When Jason and I re-considered adoption we had just found out the gender of our second daughter. As my sister has said many times, "every dad should have a son, every mom should have a daughter, every dad should have a daughter, and every mom should have a son." We couldn't agree more! However, we fear rolling the "biological dice". Especially considering Jason's family history of every other generation appearing to only have girls. Seriously... we have 2 girls, Jason's cousin has 2 girls, Jason is one of 2 boys, Jason's Aunt had 2 sons, Jason's mom was one of 2 girls, and so on up the family tree a couple generations. Not that I necessarily believe this, but it is still weird right?!?! Well, with all the chaos that a new baby brings we had not reconsidered the idea of adoption until after Madison turned 6 months old. We love our children and know that God has a plan for us to bring another one of his children into our family.
Q: Why the Democratic Republic of Congo?
A: Jason mentioned the idea of adopting a boy, since we already have two girls. Being the family driven person I am I was extremely excited!! Then he mentioned adopting from the Congo. At the time I knew nothing about the Congo... I didn't even know that there are two different Congo's, the Democratic Republic of Congo and Republic of Congo. We dove into research online like maniacs learning everything we could about the DR Congo and adoption. After learning of all the economic and health problems the people are experiencing I couldn't help but have my heart break for, and want to reach out to, that country; specifically the children there. We really don't know why Jason's first thought was the DR Congo, but I believe it was God inspired; leading us to our future son.
Q: What are the characteristic of the child we hope to adopt?
A: We are trying to adopt a son under 3 years old, since we already have two daughters around that same age. As far as the needs of the child we really do not feel prepared to adopt a child that has any major special needs, since both of our daughters are young. Plus, we do not feel qualified to take care of children with these needs. However, we are willing to take a child into our home with small developmental/social delays, minor hearing or vision problems, and other small issues that can come with being an adopted child.
*We do have a referral for a 3 year old boy, and he appears happy and in good health. He is "knock kneed", but from what we have researched it appears as though most children out grow the condition or need surgery to correct.
Q: When did you know adoption was right for you?
A: On July 2nd 2013 I was organizing my daughters' papers and starting a binder for our adoption paperwork when I found a letter I wrote to our future children a month after Jason proposed. To sum up the letter it was basically telling our children how much we love them and how hard we work to provide everything we have for them. The thing that stuck out to me in this letter is how I wrote "...when the time is right we will have or adopt you wonderful angels of joy." I have been praying to know whether or not this decision was right for our family and after reading this letter I felt more like the decision we were making is the correct one. The next day we decided on an agency, applied, and were approved to begin the process.
Q: How can you afford adoption?
A: Jason and I have always been very frugal spenders. We have zero debt (other than our mortgage), we rarely go out to eat, and our home has a minimalist kind of feel. The services, court fees, and travel for adoption of a child can be anywhere from $20,000 to $40,000 depending on all of your adoption criteria. Luckily all of these bills do not occur all at once... phew! First, we researched many different adoption agencies and emailed many of them trying to find the most affordable route for an adoption from the DR Congo. Obviously, this wasn't the only factor in the agency we choose. We also wanted experience in DRC adoption and a quick real person response to our emails (compared to two auto generic response emails we received). Second, since we already have a small budget and follow it very well I have personally decided to cut $200 a month in grocery shopping saving us $2,400 a year. Yesterday (7-5-13) was the first frugal shopping trip and I spent $116 which is $34 under budget! Also, I found out there was a trash provider in our neighborhood that charges less than our trash/recycle provider. We switched to the new trash company saving us $30 a quarter/$120 a year. Most important, we did research on how other people are affording adoption. That is how we found out about the current tax credit of $12,970 and grant programs for adoption. There are at least a dozen grants we plan on applying for. We plan on using credit cards whenever we can to pay for the adoption expenses and pay them off with tax refunds and bonuses as we go. On a whole we feel we have everything we could ask for in life except for a son, and the money we spend to get him home will be worth every penny!!
*We took out an adoption loan that should be payed off by December 2016. Also, I have rejoined the "workforce" by taking care of a child in my home. This has helped offset the expense of the adoption loan.
Q: How are you gonna raise a child of a different race?
A: I am not responsible for how the outside world sees my family or my children. Will it hurt me if any of my children come home crying due to some kind of bullying or prejudice... OF COURSE!! However, my job as a parent is to teach my children to have a great self-concept (know who they are) and love themselves. Most important I will show them that I love them no matter what, and that they are "born of God". That being said I do plan on teaching our son about his life before adoption and his country of birth, but letting him know that he is an American (just as all us Americans are no matter what our country of origin was). (Most of the people I have told about our adoption haven't thought to ask this question.)
Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God— children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband’s will, but born of God.
John 1:12-13 (NIV)
*These are updates to our situation. (June 10th 2014)
Our Adoption Timeline:
June 29th 2013- Began Searching for An Adoption Agency
July 3rd 2013- Found an Adoption Agency and Began Adoption Process With The Agency
(I feel it is necessary to post how much the services cost for this adoption is for other perspective adoptive parents. The money we spend to get him home to us will be worth every penny!!! )
(Application Fee Due $250)
July 4th 2013- Filled Out Contract Paperwork for The Agency
July 5th 2013- Mailed the Contract Paperwork to The Agency
(Registration Fee and Some of Agency Fee Due $200 and $3200)
July 5th 2013- Began Searching for A Local Agency to Complete Our Home Study
July 8th 2013- Found a Local Agency to Complete Our Home Study
July 8th-9th 2013- Informed Family and Friends of Our Decision to Adopt
July 12th 2013- Sent Our Paperwork to the Local Agency for Our Home Study
(Home Study Application Fee $200, Home Study Fee $1700, and Parent Training Fee Due $350)
July 16th 2013- Began Work on Dossier With Placement Agency
July 17th 2013- Had Fingerprints Taken, Health Exams Done, Took Photo for Passport
(Fingerprint Fee From Sheriff's Department $40 and Passport Photo Charge $20)
July 18th 2013- Sent Out Request for State and FBI Clearances, Other State Background Checks, Ordered Certified Copies of Birth and Marriage Certificates(FYI- Cost varies by state and we ordered a couple extra.), and Sent Out Paperwork for Our Passports
(State and FBI Clearance Fee $79, State Background Fee $20, Certified Copies of Birth and Marriage Certificates $175, and Sent Out Paperwork for Our Passports $220 (for 2 adults- plus the County Service Charge of $52)
July 19th 2013- State Required Child Abuse Registry Check
(State Required Child Abuse Registry Check $33)
July 23rd 2013- Signed Up for State Required International Adoption Classes
(There are 7 classes set up for 4 days in Sept, Oct, and Nov. We have already paid the fees for these classes.)
July 31st, August 9th, and August 16th 2013,- Social Worker Visits
(There are 3=5 visits total, and we have already paid the fees associated with these visits.)
August 16th 2013- Paid Home Study Review Fee to Placement Agency, Last Social Worker Visit, Refilled Out New I600A for the Third Time
(Home Study Review Fee $350)
August 20th 2013- Sent Out Dossier Paperwork
August 31st 2013- Received an Email From Social Worker That Home Study Had Been Reviewed by Home Study Agency and Sent To Placement Agency
September 3rd 2013- Paid Translation Fee and Dossier Fees
(Congo Translation Fee $500 and Dossier Fees $2000)
September 9th 2013- Wahoo!! Received an Email From Social Worker That Home Study Had Been Reviewed by Placement Agency and Sent To Home Study Agency for Finalization
September 14th and 15th 2013- Attended 5 of the 7 Adoption Classes
September 27th 2013- Temporary Suspension of Adoption from DRC :-(
October 15th 2013- USCIS Biometric Appointment
October 21st 2013- USCIS Advance Processing Application Complete
October 24th 2013- Increase in Agency Fees
October 25th 2013- Received an Image of Our Potential Son
October 26th 2013- Attended Our 2nd to Last Adoption Class
October 29th 2013- Received Medical and Official Referral for a 3 Year Old Boy!!! :-)
November 6th 2013- Accepted Referral, Sent Out Referral Paperwork, Paid Foreign Program Fees and Post Placement Deposit
(Congo Foreign Program Fee $14890 and Post Placement Deposit $1000)
November 9th 2013- Attended Our Last Adoption Class
November 13th 2013- Certificate of Completion Received for Our 24 Hours of Training
November 23rd 2013- Received More Photos of Our Son!! (We were able to see his smile for the first time!) :-)
December 2013- Prepared Paperwork for DRC Courts
January 2014 and February 2014- Waiting!!!
March 6th 2014- Mailed Paperwork to Get a Home Study Update (The age range for our home study is up to 4, and our little man will turn 4 most likely before he comes home.)
(Home Study Update Fee $300 and Home Study State Review Fee $50)
March 21st 2014- Received More Photos of Our Son!! He is getting so tall!!!! (These have been my favorite photos so far.) Also, listened in on a conference call held by USCIS on Democratic Republic of Congo Adoption Exit Letter Suspension.
March 28th 2014- Met with Social Worker to change Home Study
April 1st 2014- Received a Phone Call from Our Adoption Agency with an Update/Answers to Questions Regarding Our Son and Our Court Case
May 10th 2014- Participated in the 5K Walk/Run for Orphans
May 12th 2014- Our Son Turned 4 - Hopefully His Last Birthday Away from His Forever Family
May 27th 2014- "Movement" in DRC Adoptions
May 28th 2014- Our Updated Age Range for Immigration I-171H Provisional Approval of I-600A Was Received
June 4th 2014- Our Agency Informed Us That Our Son and 4 Other Families Should Consider Placing Our Children In Foster Care Due To The Deteriorating Environment In The Orphanage (We are waiting to hear more details, but we are leaning toward placing him into Foster Care.)
($300 a Month for Foster Care-if we choose to place him into foster care)
June 25th 2014- Our Agency One World Adoption Services Informed Us They Are Closing (I mean really closing like going out of business closing!!!!) on June 30th 2014
June 26th 2014- Called 5 Agencies (1 agency wasn't accepting applicants, 2 never returned our phone call, 1 seems way too expensive, leaving 1 agency left)
June 27th 2014- Received an Estimate From One Agency (Too Fast and Too Expensive)
June 30th 2014- Received an Email from OWAS with Contact Information for Our Lawyer in Lubumbashi and We Returned Our Release of Records Form
July 1st 2014- Received our Files From OWAS via Email
July 8th 2014- Emailed the Lawyer to Get Updated Information on Our Case
July 9th 2014- We and the New Potential Agency Received More of Our Files from OWAS via Email
July 10th 2014- Was
Informed that He Had Been Returned to His Birth Mother Due to The Orphanage No
Longer Being Able to Afford to Provide Care
July 14th 2014- Received
Document from the Lawyer and Clarification that His Birth Mother
Would Still Like to Place Him Up For Adoption
July 30th 2014- We Were
Informed that The Lawyer Had Not Been Responding to Emails- We Emailed Him in a
Plea for a Response
August 7th 2014- Finally
Received a Response from the Lawyer- He Asked if Our Family Would Still Like to
Continue with the Adoption- Our New Potentially Agency Responded YES
August 15th 2014- Still
Had Not Heard From the Lawyer on Fee Questions and Well Being of Him- Myself
and The New Potential Agency Emailed Again Hoping for Clarification on His Well
Being and Fee Questions
August 18th 2014-
Received a Response About the Fees Required For the Lawyer and Orphanage
August 20th 2014-
Received a Proposed Billing Draft from New Agency
August 20th 2014- I
Noticed Missing Bits of The Potential Expenses and Asked for Clarification
August 25th 2014-
Received an Update to the Proposed Billing Draft from New Agency
These past 10 days we have been prayerful and waiting for guidance from God on how to progress with our adoption. Please pray for our family to use God as our guide.
Useful Sites for Beginners in The Adoption Process:
Start Here- If you are gonna start anywhere I really think this is the place to start! I wish I would have found this first thing.
The Council of Accreditation Website- I would recommend anyone check on any agency complaints via the Substantiated Complaints and Adverse Actions file.
U.S. Agency Search- If you plan on applying for grants I have found most require you to have a complete Home Study and use a non-profit adoption agency. If you want to adopt from a specific country I would recommend you Google search agencies that work in that country first.
Home Study Information, More Home Study Information- Your agency may do your Home Study for you if you use a local adoption agency. We decided to use a national agency, since there wasn't a non-profit in our area that did adoptions from the DRC. Our agency then gave us guidelines of what our country we are adopting from requires.
Tax Credit- IRS, Tax Credit- IRS - FAQ's- This to us is a huge factor in the adoption process. Make sure you keep receipts of all adoption expenses!! (Applies to United States Only)
Adoption Statistics
Top 25 Adoption Blogs- This site is a great way to hear of other families' experiences with adoption.
Useful Sites for Democratic Republic of Congo Adoptions:
Congo Adoption Fast Facts
Country Adoption Information
Democratic Republic of the Congo - Wikipedia
DRC Adoption Info- This is one of the best sites we found on DR Congo Adoptions.
Connect with Others,Top 25 Adoption Blogs- These two sites are great ways to hear of other families' experiences with adoption.
Youtube:
Children of Congo: From War to Witches
Books:
- Before You Were Mine by Susan Tebos and Carissa Woodwyk (Awesome Book!!)
- Birthmarks: Transracial Adoption in Contemporary America by Sandra Patton (Don't Waste Your Time!)
- Thriving as an Adoptive Family (Another Awesome Book!!)
Good luck to anyone else out there beginning the adoption process as well! Please keep us in your prayers as we continue this adoption journey. Thank you.
Hurt and angry said...
ReplyDeleteI love reading your process and all of the thought you have put into this decision. I am so proud of you and Jason. And I can't wait to meet him. We will continue to pray for him to come home safely and soon. Love ya. Danette