Our Broken Heart

Jason and I have been praying over the last couple of weeks (and really months since the closure of One World Adoption Services) for guidance on whether or not to continue with the adoption. Sadly we have come to the decision to not proceed with adopting. I have felt from the beginning of this process that it was the right thing to do and that he is our son. However, with all of the factors in this adoption we have decided not to proceed. Maybe one day we will do foster care and possibly adopt through there, but I don’t see that happening in our near future.

Image courtesy of cuteimages/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net 

Here are the factors that lead to our decision; our agency closed, he is back with his birth mother, the DGM is still not issuing exit letters, he would have to make a very dangerous trip from Lubumbashi to Kinshasa after the adoption was finalized, and the expenses if we were to continue would be the same as if we were starting all over.

The first and largest obstacle was the closure of OWAS. Ever since then we have been battling to get a new agency.  With the suspension on exit letters the majority of agencies have written right on their business website that they are not taking on new clients for the program at this time. We still tried contacting 5 agencies! One of which was not accepting new applicants. Two of which never returned our phone calls. One of which returned back to us almost too quickly. They didn’t look into our personal case well enough and still came back with a fee estimate that was way too expensive. Finally, we found an agency that was honest kind and thorough, but in the end still came back with a fee estimate that was high above what we are able to pay.

During the process of contacting the new potential agency and emailing back and forth with the lawyer we were informed that he had been returned to his birth mother. The condition of the orphanage had degraded terribly and his birth mother made the decision to remove him from the orphanage. The lawyer has assured us that the birth mother still wants to relinquish him to us, but I feel like we would be taking him from his birth home. It is a different feeling when he is in an orphanage. I wish we were able to have a better understanding of why his birth mother is placing him up for adoption, but I don’t know if we will or would ever know. My assumption is that she wants him to receive the medical care that he may need in order to fix his legs, because his other 7 siblings are remaining in their home. This is only an assumption though and that could be far from what she is really feeling.

Also, the DGM is still not issuing exit letters. That has been a battle since September of last year. We were hoping by now that they would be issuing exit letters, but there has been little movement to make us believe that is a possibility any time soon.

Also, after all of the obstacles above we realized that this little sweet 4 year old boy would have to travel through the country to meet us in Kinshasa after the adoption was finalized. I have heard of the horrors of the country from books, the news, and missionaries that have traveled there. I worry for his safety and his companion’s safety.

Then finally we received a fee from an honest kind hard working agency that was high above what we are able to afford. Before the closure of OWAS we invested $25,000 with an expectation to have a remainder of $13,000. Then after working with the new agency and lawyer over the last couple of months we received a new estimate of $28,000. That means in the end after the adoption was finalized and he was home with us we would have invested $53,000. Plus, it really wouldn't be a sure thing until he was home.

If we had one or two of the above issues we would feel more open to continuing, but there is just too many what ifs and uncertainty with everything. It breaks my heart to no longer be able to proceed with adopting the sweet boy we have come to know as our son. We have poured a lot of emotion and work into this adoption. I will always love and remember him.

A reminder to people out there we are very heart broken about not being able to proceed with this adoption and need words of love and kindness not judgment or criticism.